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Jul. 31st, 2005 @ 10:40 pm (no subject)
I was standing outside of the comic store reading my newly acquired issue of "Fly Man", just getting to the end where I was supposed to find out if Fly Man beats Moth Man when I come to a full-page ad for ACME Gadgets. My eyes skimmed the page, glancing over the cut-out ads for "Xray Goggles" and "Hologram Ring" and my eyes finally settled on an ad for "Investigation Machine". It was a simple ad- the whole page was a red color, and the machine was a simple box with a basic lightning-bolt shape on the side, a slot-machine lever on the other side, a light bulb on top, and the face of the machine had an array of arbitrary buttons and knobs. Caption read "Investigation Machine: Accurately answers all inputted questions."
I was fairly intrigued by the ad so I decided to send away $9.95 (plus tax) for one. Three weeks later the parts and manual arrived. It was time to assemble.

I pieced the thing together rather quickly- it was essentially a series of main-boards that plugged in to eachother and it was all encased in a sheet-metal box that screwed together. The slot-machine lever was a little loose at first but I got that tightened up in no time. It was time to test the baby out. But on what?

Looking down at my feet I realized my socks didn't match. I remembered this morning as I was putting my socks on I couldn't find a matching sock for my black pair so I had to borrow one from my plaid pair. Reading the manual, I used the series of knobs and dials on the face of the investigation machine to ask "where is my other sock?". Pulling the lever, the series of blinking lights on the face went on and off in a seemingly random order when all of the sudden a buzzing noise came from the machine just as the top light bulb illuminated. It was like a toaster telling you your toast was done! According to the output of the lights on the front of the machine, my sock was under my bed.

I ran upstairs and checked under my bed to see, but no sock was there. "What a piece of junk this is" I thought.
I did however spot my remote control that I had been missing, and upon taking that out and placing it back in the remote drawer that I have in my end-table, I found my sock in the place where the remote was supposed to be. I just sat there, dumbfounded, when I got a call from my friend Alex.

Alex told me that he was out walking and fell through a portal in to an alternate dimension and he is now stuck on a road somewhere that has no ending and apparently no beginning either. As he described to me, the GPS function of his cell phone is going haywire so he had no idea where he was, and worse, he had no idea which way north/south or east/west was. He said if he were to look in either direction of the sides of the road, all he could see was an endless field of tall grass. According to him, if he were to make some kind of distinguishing mark in the road, then walk straight down the road for a few miles, he would come right back to where he started. He tried walking through the field as well, but alas, those horizons wrap around too, and he came right back to the road. Figuring this out probably took him a few hours, but the sun just stayed in the exact same place-- right at the top of the sky, as if wherever he was it was in a constant state of noon.

I knew it was my mission to find him and save him, and I knew I had to use the investigation machine to get me there somehow. My journey began with me hopping on my bike and heading down to where Alex said he last remembers being before appearing on the road. The city park. The current time is about 9am.
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